we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
