what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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