i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
