Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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