i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
