I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
