He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
