Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
