Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
