Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
