insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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