Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
