worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
