That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
