Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
