He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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