sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
