nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
