I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
