i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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