you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Randomize
