made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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