What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
