Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
