I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
