and you said cock pushups were impossible
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
accomplished twins. life is a go
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
