man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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