i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
