she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
