why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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