I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
