I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
