The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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