who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
