it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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