Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
