No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
