i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
