Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
