I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
