you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
