her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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