my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
