who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
