Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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