she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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