new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
