I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
