try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
