she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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