Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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