it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
