And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
