i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
